Ever tried to get some sleep at a party because you had to work the next day? We've all been there, but as Simon Westlake found out in Porthleven a while back, sometimes it's just not worth it. Our  man Rohan tells the story...
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One fine Monday morning a couple of years ago, I woke up in the front room of my mate Dan Waite's flat in Porthleven to the perculiar sight of orange footprints, and splatterings of orange paint going out the door and right the way down the hallway. It looked like there'd been some kind of alien invasion. After a few moments the cause of the strange scene started to become clearer as memories of the night before began flooding back to me.

When it comes to partying there's no arguing that local Porthleven maniac Dan "Danimal" Waite is a man of stamina.The kind of guy who is amazing to have around when the parties are just getting started, or in full swing. But no matter how strong, we all need company when embarking on multi day benders, and so Dan easily takes offense to anyone showing signs of leaving him to have to soldier on alone. Woe betide the man who falls asleep when Dan's not finished,  as he frequently takes the concept of peer pressure a step further than most. I once saw him slap close friend Louis Burnard so hard for just yawning that it burst his eardrum. So as I sat reflecting upon the events leading to the end of last night I thanked my lucky stars I'd once again managed to avoid Dan's rath, otherwise those orange footprints would have been mine. Let me explain...

Whilst keeping ourselves entertained during the current lack of decent waves, myself and fellow hooligan Simon "Wes" Westlake had ended up at Dan's flat, after being the last three standing at the end of a long weekend of wrongness. Sitting around in Dan's front room drinking red wine, the last thing I remember as my eyelids started to feel heavy before finally falling asleep, involved hearing Wes starting to snore at the other end of the sofa I sat on. I watched through my bleary eyes as only a few snores from Wes brought a look of concern to Dan s face. Then after one more big snore Dan upped and left the room without a word. Left alone with a comatose Wes, i began wondering what the hell Dan was up to, before he swiftly returned to the room a couple of minutes later weilding what appeared to be a washing up bowl and a big tin of paint. Without a word Dan plonked the bowl down on the floor and with military precistion, proceeded to poor the entire contents of the tin into the bowl, filling it with paint that was such a bright orange it looked like it was the result of some nuclear accident. With concrentraion, and efficency like he'd done it a hundred times before, Dan then delicately relieved Wes of his shoes and socks, and rolled up Wes' trousers. The way which Dan so nicely got Wes trousers out of the way has always amused me, as to me it showed that in Dan's head he had Wes' best interests at heart. This wasn't meant to harm Wes. More that he was just trying to teach Wes a lesson. Inspiring him to stay up for longer when socialising with Dan in future - doing Wes a favour of course. Not the mindless bullying that to the untrained eye it might appear to be. So with little more ado, my suspicions of what Dan had in mind were confirmed, as he moved the bowl into position on the floor in front of Wes and casually placed both Wes' feet deep into the bowl of paint. I just watched on  jaw dropped, as Dan in a remarkably calm manner, just shuffled back and sat quietly observing Wes to make sure he'd managed to avoid waking him up. Wes is a massive guy, and not long before passing out was pretty damn drunk and roudy, so one foot wrong and Dan would be seriously in the shit.

Having heard Wes' first snore, anyone else would probably called it quits at this point, but not Dan. As soon as he was sure Wes was still asleep he was off out of the room again. So I just sat and waited in wonder to see what was coming next. Maybe a camera? Some marker pen to fninish off? It wasn't long before Dan arrived back in the room again, this time armed with... another washing up bowl, and another tin of orange paint! I watched in awe as Dan repeated the proceedure only this time placing the bowl on Wes' lap, then casually, one by one placing each of Wes' hands into the bowl of plaint. There was no mucking around now. Whatever happened, Wes would be ending up covered in paint. And not your usual water based paint either. It looked like the kind of paint you'd need to go to a special laboritory to get off! What actually happened when he woke only Wes knows, and I'm sure we can guess. But by the look of the clothes and paint left strewn around the house by the time I woke at midday, it's fair to say Wes definitely had an eventful morning.

At the time Wes worked at 'Down The Line' surf shop in Hayle, and was due in for work at 10am on Monday morning - about 5 hours after his fatal first snore. So if you're reading this Trevor (Down The Line Owner and Wes' boss), this is what happened the morning when Wes' came in with bits of orange paint on him, wearing clothes that blatantly didn't fit (Dan's clothes).

Writing about this flat gives rise to so many memories of causing havoc around the village, such as the countless times we've started drinking rum and ended up dressed as pirates, heading off under cover of darkness to capture boats from the harbour. On which note I warn off anyone from ever thinking of rowing from Porthleven to Praa Sands in the middle of the night, in mid winter, in choppy seas and under the influence. It is doable, but it's definitely not as easy as it looks.
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If you want some real good pointers on how to avoid, create or even get the best out of these kind of situations, then keep an eye out for "Mongalloyd's Partying Tips" coming to this website very soon.