PORTHLEVEN DINGHY CLUB PHOTO - QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Well some anyway...

We've received a great deal of comments and questions over the last year about a certain shot in the Porthleven Dinghy Club article we put on the site last year. The photo in question shows Slut representatives Mickey Smith and Louis Burnard taking the drop in a rubber dinghy at Porthleven in Cornwall.

Just the other week an email came in from Ed Temperley, Editor of the ever popular surf forecasting site magicseaweed.com, where the shot has also received a considerable amount of interest from intrigued surfers. Ed asked if we could answer a couple of simple questions and shed some light on the photo. So our man Rohan, who was also out dinghying that day, stepped up to the challenge. However, Rohan is the kind of guy who when asked a simple question about a special drunken memory, is more than happy to babble on for half an hour while he reminisces. Fortunately sometimes it's quite funny (not always though Rohan). Here's what he had to say on the matter...

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What i really love about this shot, as well as running amuck in the waves in our dinghys, is the slightly odd sequence of events that led up to creating it. You can see signs of which if you look closely, such as how Mickeys using spades instead of oars. I'll explain a little...

This shot was taken one fine Sunday morning, back in the winter of 2006. And like many of the finest Sunday mornings, we were all still half drunk. Maybe some of us more than half. In fact, as testament, Louis (in the red wetsuit) was throwing up over the side of his boat only moments before this shot was taken. Gaining many a disapproving look from the confused (bordering on scared) surfers sat near by in the line up, still struggling to comprehend the fact that we were out there in dinghys in the first place.

My morning began with being woken early by a phonecall from Mickey, ringing to let me know the conditions were right for a Porthleven Dinghy Club (PDC) outing. A call that's not often made, so i immediatly set about alerting PDC kingpin, Louis "Liquid" Burnard. A man who lives for dinghying and is alway on call for when a mission is on. Whilst discussing tactics on the phone with Louis it dawned on us that due to the clubs last Lambrini fueled escapade, we were now short of water craft, so within minutes we were rendezvousing at the local bucket and spade shop to sort out some new equipment. Reason being that during the PDC's last outing a few months back, the RNLI had confiscated our entire fleet following the PDC's rather controversial venture into the limelight during Porthleven biggest annual event "Lifeboat Day". As the village's premiere boating association, we honestly thought we were helping them out, but as we found, apparently the RNLI only like to do pre planned rescues on Lifeboat Day. That's a story for another day though - although if you're from Cornwall the chances are you may have read about it in the papers near the time.


Above - PDC members are never too busy to pose for their fans

However, after racing around the shop, selecting the best equipment we could see, on approaching the counter we were confronted by yet another set back - we were both out of cash. We then both remembered having invested the remaining contents of our wallets in shots of Sambuca only hours before. The real problem with this situation being that we were in good old West Cornwall there were no cash points in sight and the shop didn't take plastic. So after a quick emergency discussion between ourselves, we figured that being the high profile organisation we are, perhaps hooking up a quick sponsorship deal with the said bucket and spade shop might resolve the situation. As Louis happened to know the shops owner Roy, who lived just down the road, we spared no time in paying him a visit to find out if he would be interested in any last minute lucrative endorsement opportunities. Louis pointed out that Roy had always bragged about being mates with Mr Lilo himself so we figured this was a good opportunity for him to come good on his gloating.

Being a wise man, Roy promptly told us to get lost. I think he may have sensed our neediness, or just noticed the smell of sambuca on our breaths. He even threatened to charge us more for taking the piss. However, being the enterprising chap he is, Louis didn't take this as defeat, and instead came up with the genius plan of just telling the cashier back at the shop that our proposal had been well received and with Roy's blessing, we were now on the team. Fortunately the rather dubious cashier didnt bother checking with his boss whether our new spnsorship deal was legit, and we were soon enough in posesssion of three fine vessels, complete with blow up guitars and spades, making our way to meet Mickey up at the main reef. Looking back on it now, we'd probably just commited an imprisonable offense, or at least have warranted some kind of criminal record for "aquiring boats by deception" or suchlike.


Above - Rohan using a slightly modified eskimo roll technique handed down through generations of dinghyists past.

Once kitted up, we spared no time in getting up to the reef to meet Mickey who was not surprisingly incredibly excited to see us rocking up weilding our freshly aquired wave riding equipment. Wasting little time for idle chit chat we got straight down to business, pulling our wetsuits on, whilst proudly taking turns on the air pump. Very soon our new fleet was beginning to attract a great deal of attention from curious walkers and surfers alike, some of whom were understandably beginning to show quite obvious signs of jealousy for our superior water craft.

Being proud PDC members, often conducting our expeditions in the public domain, we have grown used to receiving such enquiries from those with an untrained eye for booze fueled sport dinghying, so as club members, and ambassadors of the sport, we are always keen to educate the public and glowed at the opportunity to answer questions from inquisitive onlookers, such as... "Why have you all got spades with you?" - "Because there weren't any oars left in the shop." "Why have you got blow up guitars?" "Because they'd run out of life jackets too." Obvious solutions to anyone with any deep knowledge or experience of booze fueled sport dinghying, but all to easily a source of confusion for your average dinghy enthusiast.

It wasn't long until we were ready to go, and as usual with the PDC, things were running like clockwork, when just as we were setting off, our good friend and surf photographer Kirstin Prisk turned up, looking for some action to shoot. Being a man of great taste and skill himself, after taking one look at the packed out 3-5ft and clean Porthleven line up, Kirstin was as glad of his timing as us, and knew exactly who he'd be shooting today. So off we all went down to the rocks to set sail and blaze in our glory.


Mickey scares the ocean into retreat to allow for a dry hair paddle out

There's a great deal we could write about what happened once we got in the water, but I think this time we'll let the photos do the talking, as they say plenty for themselves. Needless to say it was definitely an action packed session. There is however one other odd thing about the picture that we've not addressed yet, but I think deserves a mention. Besides the spades and the guitars, which surispingly seemed to stay with us through the whole session. If you look closely, you'll notice Louis is wearing something around his neck. In his over excitement whilst getting ready, Louis chose to use one of the Bugga flags Mick had in the car as some kind of super hero cloak. (A Bugga flag if you're wondering, is similar to the Cornish flag, only pink and white rather than black and white. The official emblem for Cornish Rock band Bugga, for which Louis plays lead triangle from time to time.) Mickey was quick to warn Louis of the dangers involved in wearing such garments in the sea, as he'd almost lost his life a year earlier whilst surfing Gwenver shorey in a wedding dress - but thats a story for another day. However Louis, still feeling invincible from last nights Lambrini, went against this advice and was promptly reminded why it wasn't a good idea when the flag got wet and started to assimilate a lead weight, almost drowning him on more than one occasion.

So there we have it. Sport Dinghying at its finest. But maybe this article's just one big ego trip? Or perhaps it provides a rare and insightful look into the hard-core world of the Professional Sport Dinghyist? Either way, one thing's for certain, the PDC are leading the charge in this ground-breaking new approach to riding waves of consequence and will continue to go where few will dare follow, even if it is via the off license.

If you've any questions, remarks, abuse, or anything you feel needs to be said then please feel free to add your comments below. Nothing like a good old internet slagging match, and Im sure plenty of you will now have some newly formed opinions on Sport Dinghying. If anyone would like to join the PDC please contact us for an application form.... serious applications only please, the PDC have no time for piss takers.